A Hard Slog

I try to be really positive and overall I think I manage this pretty well. This last few weeks has been a bit of a hard slog: the hardest since I was first diagnosed I think. I won’t bore you with all the reasons why but I think the reality of this dumb-ass disease has hit home a little bit.

My last scan showed a “tiny new lesion” in my right ischium (10 points for anyone that knows where that is). I was told that it was not big enough to be indicative of disease progression but that we needed to keep an eye on it. The problem is that I can’t really keep an eye on my own ischium and not simply because I have no bloody idea where it even is. My consultant booked me in for an MRI in 3 months time.

This last month I haven’t been able to relax, thinking about the flipping “tiny new lesion” on my ischium. My consultant wasn’t worried and I think I need to start channeling his energy a little bit more. I had my MRI at the end of October and was prepared to wait a good few weeks for the results. The results were back really quickly and I convinced myself that my treatment had stopped working. By the time my results appointment came around I had researched what my new treatment would probably be, mentally cancelled our holiday in December and mapped everything out for myself.

“You’re stable”. The words that every secondary breast cancer patient longs to hear. The lovely registrar then proceeded to look a bit confused when I burst into tears. “The apparent tiny new lesion in the right ischium (ok, I will draw a diagram - please see below) is not visible on today’s study,” is what my scan report says, along with lots of other positive words.

My body decided to celebrate by holding on to the delightful UTI that I have been trying to get rid of for two weeks. I feel pretty ropey but have got new antibiotics. Infections whilst on cancer treatment are a bit crap because my immune system is not as good as it should be. I have to keep an eye on my temperature as if it goes up then the doctors at The Christie like to pump you full of IV antibiotics. Not fun but luckily something that I’ve managed to avoid for a year now.

As soon as this stupid infection has gone I am going to enjoy being stable and stop moping around like I have been for the last couple of weeks. I need to get back to the gym (which weirdly has become my new happy place) and start looking forward to the school holidays and going to Algeria at the end of the year.